Complex Creations
by XxLiarLiarxX
Summary: Jude's a 17 year old girl living a life of total madness. Her parents, her sister, her school, her album, her uncontrolable feelings for her producer, the list goes on and on. All she wants is to be normal. What's it gonna take to get what she wants?
1. Winding River

**How do I start this thing out?...Well, my names Kaley. I'm 14 and I love to write. I still have alot to learn though. I had no idea there was actually a site where writers could publish there work. It's great! I started writing this story about a month ago. It's set in from Judes perspective. For me, it's funner to write from First-Person than Third-Person, Third-Person Narrative, etc.**

**I'm not totally sure how long this story will be. If it completely sucks to you guys then I'll just call it a one-shot and be done with it. Try something else, something new. Again, I'm not sure how it will all work out.**

**I just recently heard "How Strong Do You Think I Am" and "Over-Rated" from the new album (set to release March 21 in the States I think). And I have to say, "Over-Rated" doesn't accent Jude's character at all. It's way to pop, cliche for my taste. But, "How Strong Do You Think I Am" rocks. In my opinion. Judging by the lyrics I think the song might possibly be foreshadowing some dramatic events that will happen between Jude and Tommy?**

**Moving on. Lately I've been glued to the computer. I've spent so much time on here that I think I actually have developedsoars on my legs from the computer chair. The-N site is where I have been spending most of my time. Taking all those quizzes. My results are as fallows; My IS boyfriend is Speed. My IS song is "Let Me Fall" (I'd prefer Skin, Your Eyes, or Criminal, not to be to picky). My true hair color is brunette. I find this quite funny.My real hair color is more of an ash/sandy blonde. Numerous times have I tried to dye it brown and it never turns out right which just peeves me off even more. I give up. And last but not least, the IS character that I am most like is Sadie. I had to blink about 4 times when I saw these results. I'm nowhere near posessing the qualities and characteristics of Sadie Harrison. But, in reality, it's really dumb and very, very lame to go on and on about this subject seeing as how it's just some silly internet test. Has anyone else taken any of these?**

**Wow, I didn't expect to ramble on and onin this author's note. Sorry. I'm going to stop now and let you all get on with the story. I hope it's somewhere near being worthy of reading. Oh! Almost forgot! I don't own any IS characters, there songs, and much to my dismay, Tim Rozon.**

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The music world can somewhat be described as a winding, endless river. You have your over-bearing boss who's personality is about as lifeless as the rocks and pebbles that adorn the sandy banks. The protective and supportive producer who represents the clear, blue water that flows peacefully down it's designated course. Shielding the tiny marine life that inhabits the world underneath. Obviously the adoring fans who exemplify this small creation. They hover just above the surface, waiting, sinking into security. Then, when they spot there prey, they attack it with big signs of admiration, chanting marriage proposals, and tugging at your clothing with eager hands.

Rivers arn't always peaceful and serene though. There's the current, which seems to have a life all on it's own, that washes over you and all you can do is pray you don't get sucked down. And right now, my only hope of survival on this river of life is hoping that my head stays afloat and that I don't get swept away in my uptight current of society.

"Jude, we got it" Tommy spoke into his over-sized studio microphone. If theres one thing you should know about Tom Quincy it's that his brain works overtime 24/7. He's always thinking outside the box. And I mean way beyond the four corners. His macho method of assumption is what I find most attractive about him. Which isn't a good thing seeing as how I shouldn't be finding anything attractive about the man. I'm the girl who's supposed to be shouting, "Ew! Gross! He's a 23 year old perv!"

I never result to sinking down to that level of insecurity and I never will. It doesn't matter what life teaches you. May it be your teachers, parents, or some other "Adult who you should look up to" that encourages it. In this world everyone's the same. Your supposed to fallow the in-crowd, be like them. Your taught to fallow all the rules by exact directions. But what if the ball's in your court? What are you supposed to do then? Throw it back and just restart the useless cycle of the game.

Everytime I get compared to my peers, I can't help but crack up. Theres something funny to me about being compared and contrasted to other people. I'm not like other people. I don't wish to be.

"Oh, ok" I said, exiting the sound booth. Lately I havn't been saying much. Living off 4 hours of sleep a night and a knock-off brand of an energy drink from the local Eezy Mart isn't exactly high class. As Darius puts it, "I'm very displeased with your choice of lack of sleep, thus I can now fully understand why you've been slacking.This is disappointing and unacceptable for one of my top artist." I couldn't understand wheather to take this as a compliment or just another annoying complaint. Either way, you can shove it up your ass D and bite your tongue. I've lost my voice. My opinions gone missing.

"I think we got it this time, girl" Tommy said, grabbing my foot which was propped up on the soundboard. My train of thought always interferes with my mouth. Resulting in a massive collision of words.

"Bite your tongue!" I shouted out randomly. This whole situation became very awkward. I sounded like some sick dominatrix shouting off a sexual command. Not that I would mind having sex with Tommy. I'm sure it wouldn't be that bad. Now that I think about it, I bet he's really good. I mean he has to be if he can keep girls dangling at the end of his rope for months at a time.

He most likely never returns there phone calls though. The ass. His brain (like all other males) focuses around one thing. I know this because I've caught him stairing at my chest many times when I'm in some slinky costume for some performance that makes me look like a prostitute. For example, last years "Super Star Satellite!" It's quite amusing. Next time I'll make it a point to flaunt them in his face so he can see what he can't have and make him regret throwing me away when I was sixteen.

I know what your thinking. I said I didn't sink down to that level, ever. But this is different. I'm not calling Tom a perverted pedifile, I'm just making him feel like one.

The facial expressions of the opposite sex is one of life's little mysteries. Where did the arched eyebrow, mouth open, pale faced characeristic originate. That's something that will keep you pondering for hours. The ancestors of many males were 100 percent exactly like them (Biology class, third period, Mr. Call). This is why most thoeries of "Are All Men the Same?" can be proved factual. Maybe I'll become a scientist one day. I'm capable of thinking outside the box just as much as Tommy is.

My hand immediately flew up to hide my eyes. If they weren't hidden by my dry palm, I would have started laughing. Just staring at Tom's questioning and very confused face.

"I'm sorry" I mumbled. Whenever I apologize, for any situation, I end up sounding like a little 5 year old who just broke his mother's favorite figurine. Figuratively speaking of course. I was never good at apologizing. When I was younger I was really stubborn. I'd spend hours sitting up in my room because I refused to apologize to Sadie for hitting her in the head with my plastic toy microphone. I would bite her then scramble up the stairs before I got spanked. I look back on those memories now and think, "How come Sadie never got in trouble?" She never got into trouble! Of any sort. Sadie was there little princess while I was the forgotten henchman who got pushed around and stood in the background of fairy tale land.

Sadie is the type of person who'll spend hours and hours and hours perfecting her appearance just to go to the gas station down the street. "You never know who might be there" she says. Oh, I know. I always pray that some physco killer will be there and take her hostage. Or that she gets abducted by aliens on the way out of the convenient store. I can dream can't I. We'll get back to Sadie later. I could go on forever on the many reasons of why I wish I was born an only child. Or for that matter, why I wish I was at least first born.

"I'd suggest you lay back on the soft drinks, Jude" Tommy said. I watched his eyebrow take it's former shape. His face relaxed.

"Yeah, I will" I muttered. I used to think I liked to be center of attention. I do sometimes. When an embaressing position comes into play I manage to totally make myself look like a moron. Those are the times I don't like to be dead center and sink back into seclusion.

"Your free to go home. We got what we needed for today" he smiled soflty towards me. He has a way of making me feel safe and happy at the same time. I love that feeling.

"Uh, Sadie's home this weekend and mom and dad are getting into melt down mode" I replied.

Mom and Dad stayed together even after he cheated on her. Sadie was thrilled! I was pissed. How can you take someone back into your home and continue to love them after they do something like that. Even if he is my father, I hate him. I hate everything he is and everthing he represents. He represents scum. He's worthless, cheating, lieing scum. The truth hurts daddy dearest. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him. And the more he tries to push his way into my life the more I resisist and throw him back out.

My mom begs me to try harder. She says things will be easier once I move away from the past and look ahead. Look ahead to what? Theres nothing. I shall be a pigeon in a flock of flamingos. Forever.

"What are you saying? Your not going to go home?" Tommy asked me.

Good thinking Tom. That's exactly what I'm going to do. Or should I say not going to do. I'm not going to go home tonight. I'll stay here, in the studio. The place that is more like a home to me than my real household of chaos.

"Precisely, I'll just sleep on the lobby couch tonight" I said, standing and stretching.

He stood as well and smoothed out his clothes. "You can't do that. Darius is already irritated by your performance lately. You don't want to provoke him any further" Tommy said rationally.

I hate it when he's right. It annoys the crap out of me. Darius would throw a tantrum if he came in tomorrow morning and found me strewn across the floor of the studio. Theres no other alternative. I guess I'll just go home and deal with my dysfunctional family for yet another night.

I exhaled very slowly. "Fine, but if tomorrow you see my name in the obituaries...please make sure my parents do not come tomy funeral."

He thought this was funny. This isn't funny. Not a laughing matter Tom! I'm dead serious.

"Ok superstar, I promise" he replied sarcastically. He always thinks I'm joking. I swear, no one takes me seriously.

I stared at him for a minute with my mouth agape looking like I was trying to make out with the air. "letsjusgo" I said quickly in a jumble of words.

"After you" he said, swinging his hand through the air and gesturing towards the door. What a gentleman...sorta, in his own very different, unique way.

I walked through the doors, thinking, if I can't get him to take me seriously by saying one statement, how am I going to convince him that I love him.


	2. Sneaky, Sneaky

**Author's Note**

**I'd just like to thank everyone who reviewed or is even reading this! I'm in love with the new song "Not Standing Alone"! It's awesome. I also have to confess..."Over-Rated" is starting to grow on me. I was listening to the lyrics very closely the other day and it doesn't totally blow. What do you all think of this seasons new music?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own or have anything to do with the song "Square One" by Coldplay.**

**Now, on with the story! **

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Sneaking into a house is more complicated than it sounds. Then again, my whole life's complicated. The simplest things can bring you down as quick as the instant microwavable mac and cheese, Easy Mac. Tripping over something stupid (A rug, the dog, my own foot...), feeling the urge to sneeze then once you blow you've realized you've not only knocked down the hall mirror hanging on the wall but also the pencil sharpener, lamp, and clock off the night-table, and of course theres the most popular! Walking in to find that your parents have already been waiting up for you for the past 2 hours.

"Jude, where have you been?" Victoria asked.

I about jumped out of my converse. "Jesus! Mom...I've been at the studio" I replied, yawning.

"This late?" my dad cut in.

I rolled my eyes. They always assume when I stay late at the studio that I'm doing something bad. And illegal. I think we all know what they _assume_ I'm doing so I won't go into all that.

"Yes...Tom and I were finishing up my new song" I said. They were really starting to annoy me.

"11:30 is unacceptable, Jude" my dad said.

I leaned against the wall and groaned. He had no place to tell me what was acceptable and what wasn't. Your one to talk dad. Just because you live here still doesn't mean your still a father figure to me.

"No! What's unacceptable is the fact that you cheated on mom, then she has the decency to take you back, and then you go and try to be Mr. Mom!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

I think I pulled something. A throat muscle, if you will. Not good, nope not good at all. If my larynx is in anyway ruptured I will get my ass seriously kicked. Seriously! See what they made me do? They force there unsatisfactory, crappy parenting on me, which forces me to use the voice I perform with to yell the loudest I possibly can, which all in all will most likely result in me loosing my voice now. Perfect.

"I'm going to my room now!" I shouted, as I stomped up the stairs, purposely pounding on each step just to see how mad I could really get them.

"Your grounded!" I heard my so called father yell after me. He may ground me but that doesn't prevent me from doing something I want to do now does it. If I want to sneak out late at night and go party, I'll do it. If I get invited to some big event that is a social highlight of my youthful teen years, you can bet I'll be there. If I want to go have sex with someone, "I sure as hell will!" I shouted from my doorway as I slammed it shut.

It's times like these I wish I was a boy. No periods, no parents giving them crap, no having to worry about being the ones to carry the babies. Fathers speak to there sons like they would speak to a mut. "Go on! Go out there and show 'em how it's done! Shoo!" with a quick pat and eagerness there off.

I guess I should be grateful that I at least have a father. Some kids go all there lives without knowing who there parents are. Adoption is a really incredible concept when put into perspective.

All I know at this point is that I am going insane. "Tell me what to do...I don't care...stupid...I hate parents...stupid" I began to mumble. See, I told you. INSANE!

My guitar sat in the corner, staring at me. The one thing that's kept me sane for the past 10 years. The hallowed wood of my tortured soul. I picked it up and began to nonconsciencly hum a tune and sing along to it. "From the top of the first page, to the end of the last day. From the start in your own way..." Stop. I scribbled the words down on an old paper towel. "You just want somebody listening to what you say...it doesn't matter who you are..."

For the rest of the night I worked on the song, making it mine. So, by morning (even though it was Saturday) I could show it off to Tommy. Needless to say I fell asleep on the floor with my guitar on my stomach and my face smashed into my pillow.

"Jude...Jude? Juuuude..." my non-human sister crooned into my ear the next morning. At 8:30 I might add. "Up!" she exclaimed.

Was it really necessary to yell in my ear at the wee hours of the morning when my brain isn't even in process mode yet? I mean really. Sadie has no respect for anyone but herself. Heres an idea. The next time she goes on some hot date with a guy 20 years older than her, I'll throw on a straight jacket, run in on them, and yell, "Sadie! Mom said you would play with me after I got out of the institution!" Sounds good. I'll make a note.

"Uhh...Sadie" I groaned, covering my head with the nearest blanket, since I was on the floor.

"Up!" she proceded to yell _again_. And...here comes the speech. "I'm tired of seeing you either sleeping, eating, or doing something else useless with your life every time I'm home. People know I'm related to you, Jude. And if you keep playing this whole miserable-girl-with-a-guitar-act my social status will not only go down but it will crash and burn to the ground. I don't want that! I have a reputation to maintain. So please, for me, get up, get dressed, and do something! Anything. "she pleaded.

This is pathetic.

"Fine" I said. "I'll do something different to please you." You could practically feel the excitement radiating off her spray tanned body. "I'll have cereal instead of a pop-tart for breakfast" and with that I stumbled down the stairs and into the kitchen, making my way to the pantry.

"Jude, your father and I have agreed that your punishment for staying out to late and not bothering to call" Victoria emphasized."Is going to be re-instated."

"Yes" I said, making a fist and pulling it towards me. I opened the Lucky Charms and didn't bother turning around. I stuffed my mouth of dry cereal with my back facing my mom.

"Don't you want a bowl? Or milk?" I heard her ask.

"Mom, the point of eating the cereal out of the box is because I want it dry. Besides, you buy that skim milk that tastes like regular milk that's been mixed with water and pee." I crammed as much as physically could into my mouth.

"Jude!" she exclaimed. I was laughing a little to hard and almost choked on my Lucky Charms. Why was it such a big deal, what I said? I finally turned around to see why my mother was in shock of what I had said.

"Hmphk" I coughed and stomped my foot. I guess I thought it would help...

Tommy was smirking like the wierd cheshire cat off of Alice In Wonderland."I happen to like skim milk, Harrison."

"I was going to tell you to change before you blew me off and practically ran down the stairs" Sadie scoffed, flipping her hair as she entered the kitchen. "Now you have to stand there looking like a loser."

"Oh, thanks Sadie" I muttered, crossing my arms over my stomach. Standing in the kitchen with my mother, producer, and sister in Pink Panther boxers and an old wife-beater wasn't exactly a comfortable situation. I began to walk out of the kitchen so I could change. I stopped in front of Tommy. "Wipe that stupid smirk off your face!" I exclaimed.

I got halfway up the stairs and ran back into the kitchen. "Forgot my cereal..." I whispered then grabbed the box and took off.

The only good thing that this new day would bring was getting to show my new song to Tommy. And even that wasn't to anticipating. All I kept thinking as I made my way into my room was, "I hope he likes it...I hope he likes it..."


	3. Authors Note

**Author's Note**

**This isn't an update (sorry if I disappointed anyone) but I just typed up a whole chapter and it got deleted! So now I'm not sure when I'll be able to type it all up again. I just want to ask everyone to please be patient with me and to not stop reading my story. I'll try to re-type everything and get it posted ASAP. Thanks so much!**

**-Kaley**


	4. Missed Kisses

**Author's Note**

**ISobsessedXO, I read your comment and said, "huh?" lol but now that I've gone back through my story, your right. I have no idea why I rated this story as M. My story is strictly T rated, for now... Thanks for pointing that out to me so I could change it.**

**NotAContrivance, it's an honor that you consider me a good writer! I'm a huge fan of your story "Consequences" and I think your amazing in your work.**

**The new episode, Visciousness, was so...interesting. I felt so bad for Tommy because he dropped out in the 7th grade and didn't know what charts were or how to read them. I almost cried...I know it sounds lame. Then Kat and Stuart! Wow. Like I said, very interesting episode. But I loved it, and the new song.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the song "Square One" by Coldplay.

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"Thanks for laughing at me" I said as I got myself comfortable in the passenger seat of his "special" viper.

Please! He needs to get a new car. I've told him numerous times that it's embaressing being seen in it in public. His eye did this wierd spasim thing then he told me to shut it. He could get a great deal on this car if he would just listen to me and trade it in for something more up to date. But noooo, he doesn't. Nobody ever listens to me anyway.

"I wasn't laughing at you persay...besides I just love your new morning look" he smirked.

"Funny..." I muttered, sinking even lower into the seat.

Imagine what he would do if I slid down to hard and ripped the leather with my ring or bracelet. I'm sure he would be pissed but I wouldn't care. Actually, I bet it would be friggen hilarious.

"So, new song?" he questioned. He slipped on his "shades" which he called them and started the car.

"Yeah...I worked on it last night so it might need some adjustments. You know...sleep high" I widened by eyes.

I'm really considering going to see a doctor about why it's so hard for me to sleep at night. During the day, I'm fine. I could fall asleep right here in the viper if I didn't drule all over Tom's seat. I know I will to. Maybe I have insomnia. Or maybe I'm just a freak who's nocturnal.

"Adjustments are always good" he replied, nodding his head.

He pulled out of the driveway and we once again started our drive along the never-ending road to G-Major. It felt like an even longer drive than usual. I savored the feel of the wind blowing my hair back and how it felt as if it was sweeping away all my negative emotions from my pale face. I never wanted the ride to end.

"Jude? You coming?" Tommy asked.

I opened my eyes to find we were parked in G-Major's parking lot. The ride had ended. Which ment I had to get off (technically get out).

Sighing, I nodded slowly and staggered out of the car and though the studio doors.

Everything was the same as it was yesterday. Same color of paint on the walls, same faces running around looking for something they needed or wanted, and the same tension as always between me and Tommy.

"Let's get started" he said.

We made our way to the studio and I took my place in the _same _recording booth. I waited for Tommy's signal. Waiting...waiting...waiting...Finally! He gave me the 'ol thumbs up. Psh! He thinks he's cool.

_You're in control  
Is there anywhere you wanna go?  
You're in control  
Is there anything you wanna know?  
The futures for discovering  
The space in which we travel in_

_From the top of the first page  
To the end of the last day  
From the start in your own way  
You just want somebody listening to what you say  
It doesn't matter who you are_

_Under the surface trying to break through  
Deciphering the codes in you  
I need a compass, draw me a map  
I'm on the top, I can't get back_

_Whooooaaa, whooooaaa_

_The first line on the first page  
To the end of the last page (you were looking at)  
From the start in your own way  
You just want somebody listening to what you say  
It doesn't matter who you are  
It doesn't matter who you are_

_You just want somebody listening to what you say  
You just want somebody listening to what you say  
It doesn't matter who you are  
It doesn't matter who you are_

_Is there anybody out there who  
Is lost and hurt and lonely too  
Are they bleeding all your colors into one?  
And if you come undone  
As if you've been run through  
Some catapult if fired you  
You wonder if your chance'll ever come  
Or if you're stuck in square one_

I didn't realize my eyes were closed. Evidently I was pouring everything I had into the song in that one moment. But what can I say? This song, my song, was what I felt. No, it wasn't about Tommy or my dad or Shay or anyone else who's ever hurt me. My song was about me. My feelings, my emotions that no one ever listens to me or for that matter cares. I'm like a small raisin compared to a huge grape.

"That was good, come on out" Tommy said, using his hand to signal me into the main recording room. Like I don't know where to go dumbass.

I sat down on the floor and waited for him and Kwest to start in on me. Nobody said anything. I hate silence.

"So...what needs to change about it?" I asked slowly.

Tommy stood quickly, fallowed by Kwest. I stood quickly, fallowed by a head spin and minor confusion. More silence. Ok, so, we all stand really quick then just stare at each other. What is this some stupid, new game?

"Come on, let's talk" Tommy said. He then grabbed me by the hand and pulled me out of the room. I glanced back at Kwest just in time to see him raise his shoulders in a look of what read he to had no clue what was going on.

In some wierd fantasy world I would have wanted Tommy to take me into an empty room at G-major and kiss me passionately. I would have wanted him to confess his undying love for me and me only. Then we would run away together.

But this was not Judes fantasy world. In the real world, it would so happen we ended up in a stupid, smelly abandoned room of the studio, that was so small we could have stuck a horse fly in the room and it would have suffocated. Ok, ok I used a little bit of over-exaggeration. But it was still a very small space.

"What's this?" I gestured to the room.

Tommy took a seat on an old folding chair. "You wanna talk?" he asked sternly. If he was trying to comfort me, he needs lessons. Because his tone of voice wasn't at all reassuring.

"To you?" I snorted, "No thanks."

He leaned forward and studied my every move. "Is something wrong?" he questioned again.

I shifted my wieght from my left foot to my right then crossed my arms over my stomach.

"No" I said, looking away.

That wasn't a very logical lie considering I was under Tommy's watchful eye. Dear lord, I'm rhyming! Somebody help me!

The thing is, everythings wrong. Literally, everything in my life is destined to be shit these days. I can't focus on my music with my parents, Sadie, school, and of course Tommy. He doesn't even know he's the major factor of why I'm so miserable! And I'm not going to tell him it's all his fault when in reality I can't blame him for something he doesn't even know he's responsible for. I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown...

I collapsed to the floor and hung my head. He was right by my side though as quick as you can say "Mentally Unstable".

"Everything is going wrong! I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't focus. I can't...do anything" I confessed.

Believe me, Tom's the last person I thought I'd ever be telling this to. But in a way, now, I feel like he's the only one I want to be telling this to.

"I knew something was up" he said, as he took me in his arms.

Once he held me, I can't even begin to explain what it felt like. It felt as if this was where I should be. With him. I know that sounds really cliche, but I don't care. He smelled so good and his cheek was so soft rubbing against my face and his hand caressing my hair and his eyes radiating every type of sympathy he could possibly give and how perfect his lips felt against mine when I kissed him.

It was on impulse. We hadn't kissed since my 16th and to be honest, I missed his kisses. I expected him to pull back or at least break away first but he didn't. I took this as a sign he missed mine as well.

I didn't want to let go of him. Maybe this is my fantasy world that I stumbled into by mistake. He slipped his hand under my shirt just slightly. My eyes widened and I sort of panicked. I never really have been so close to a guy pyhsically like I was in that small room with Tommy.

I broke away first, stupid me. My breathing was very unsteady, as was his. I stared at him and he stared at me. Nothing was said.

He stood and shook his head, then walked out of the room, slamming the door on his way out, purposely hard.

I jumped and put my hand on my forhead, running it through my hair. What had I just done? If I thought my life sucked before, then by kissing him just now I've made it worse. Sometimes it amazes me how stupid and unpredictable I am.

Now, I had alot more than just finishing an album and attempting to make good grades coming to me. Way more.


	5. Pills and More Pills

**Author's Note**

**Thanks for the compliments guys. It's so cool to read them and see what you think I should improve on or what should stay the same. Positive criticism is always a good thing.**

**Also, I'm going on a trip to Missouri (I'm on Spring Break now) and won't be back till Sunday night. So, there probably won't be an update for a while. But I will definately work on it in the car, it's a long drive. I hope this chapter keeps everyone intrigued and to keep reading my story. Patience would be appreciated. lol Thanks again!**

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The thing about kissing your producer then attempting to apologize for it is that the producer is most likely a stubborn jerk. At least, mine is. I try to do the right thing for once and bam! it get's thrown back at me. In the mortal words of one Dr. Evil, "Throw me a fricken bone here!" I can't help if my teenage hormones go a little off the chart sometimes. And evidentally niether can Tom because by the way he was sliding his hand up my shirt, I'd say his adult hormones need to simmer down a bit to. Either way, I'm screwed. 

"I'm sorry for trusting my gut and acting on my feelings!" I exclaimed sarcastically as I gave him the "stare down". I made the word up myself.

"Not the point, Jude! Do you think I care about a kiss? No! But when your _feelings _interfere with how quickly and accurately we get this album done!" Tommy realized how loud and angry he was getting so he stopped, persed his lips, then continued on a more calm voice level. "Then that's a problem" he finished.

Let's analyze shall we. He said he didn't mind the kiss. That means he likes kissing me, right? But then again when you look at it from a different view it's not so good. I kiss him and all he's worried about is finishing my album. I hope this doesn't mean that when the day finally comes that I confess I love him he shrugs and says, "Let's work on those chord progressions". I'll be one pissed musician. If I don't fix this now then my future love life mine as well start burning in hell! Say bye-bye. Damn reproduction!

"Ok, so what do we do?" I asked.

I really didn't care what he thought we should do. At the moment, I only cared about what I wanted us to do. I wanted to be with him and anyone who thought bad of our relationship we would tell to screw off. I wanted to rewind and re-record the last few days and never push playback. I wanted him to forget the stupid album and tell me how he felt for once! Do I sound selfish? I hardly ever use the word "want". It's not programmed into my vocabulary. So, forgive me for thinking of myself for a change.

Please don't let him say "Forget it ever happened"! If he does, that ash tray over theres lookin about the right size to throw at his fat head. Don't think I won't. He could actually sue me. He wouldn't dare! Technically I could sue him to. Ha!

"Put feelings on the side for now and concentrate on finishing what really matters" he replied.

"What really matters?" I asked. "Not to be blunt, Tom, but I consider our relationship something that **_really matters_**" I threw back at him like a slap in the face.

I've been thinking about hitting him for weeks now. Not just a silly little slap. A full on deck in the face is my idea of a "hit". He'd never see it coming...(insert evil laugh here)...

"Jude! Relationship?" he questioned. His expression was the same as when Chaz surprised him in the studio last year.

That's highly offensive. Having a romantic relationship with me wouldn't be that bad. Having any type of relationship with me wouldn't be that bad! Speed and I sometimes want to rip each others heads off then throw them into the street but then again we are capable of hugging, and making things right. That's the type of relationship I have with him. Love-hate. Seems I have that relationship with everyone. Except my dad. That's just a Hate relationship right there.

Then theres Sadie. Beautiful, Perfect, Never-messes-up-at-anything-and-does-everything-right Sadie! I don't even think you could call what she and I have a relationship. More of a pair of human beings on the verge of becoming an orgy. Just kidding! Sadie can be alright...when she wants to. Most of the time though...how can I put this nicely? Most of the time she's a real bitch. That sounds pretty nice.

"Yes, Tommy. Did I stutter?" I said actually quite rudely. I'm not going to yell at him. Not this time.

"We don't have a relationship that goes beyond these walls. I don't know, maybe...someday. But for now, it's non existing!" he exclaimed.

Theres a big step! I hate that word. _Someday. _That's another word that's not in my vocabualry. He's insinuating that maybe, in the future, we might possibly have a "closer" relationship. Do you know how happy I am right now? It's pretty stupid that someone can say one sentence and lift all my troubles and worries off my shoulders. But he did. Just by saying that one word. Someday.

I smiled so big I think my lips were actually stretching a goodthree inches. It didn't even occur to me that Tommy was still in the room. When I took notice of him, afterfive minutes of smiling, he was staring at me like I was on crack.

His face made me bust up laughing. Think about it. Your sitting on a bench in the park next to a total stranger and they just keep smiling at you and giving you these wierd eyes. Then they just start cracking up hysterically. I'd say someone forgot to take there meds and is a little coo-coo.

Which is probably what Tom thought of me right then. That I was completely crazy.

"Are you ok?" he asked cautiously. He was acting like he was scared of me! This is hilarious. I think I should jump out at him and see if takes off screaming. This thought made me clutch my stomach. Tommy running around G-major, with his hands in the air, schreeching like a girl, and yelling, "She's crazy! She's crazy!" Classic.

"Yeah! Yeah!" I wiped the tears from my eyes. "I'm fine..." I took a few breaths and tried to remain calm. But once I looked back up at him (he's like 5 inches taller than me), I think I might have spat on him. That's how bad I was laughing. Let's just start foaming at the mouth, Jude! I covered my mouth with both hands.

"Are you...drunk?" he asked, as he swatted at his clothes trying to get rid of there dampness.

Truce...I took like three muscle relaxers and two sleeping pills. That's not bad. It didn't say on the box that they'd make me go crazy and laugh uncontrolably. Actually, it probably wouldn't huh. If it did, no one would by the product. That just shows how desperate and greedy those stupid pill-making industries are.

"No silly" I said. Whoa. The rooms spinning just a tid bit. And I have a throbbing pain in between my eyes.

"Want me to drive you home?" he asked. All these questions! Stop with the questions! I just went cross-eyed. I think I under estimated the power of Sominex.

"I wanna go home" I began to sway. Tomorrow is going to be murder. Think of the embaressment.

"Ok, let's go" he said sweetly. Aw, Tommy's taking care of me. What a guy! Although I didn't expect him to pick me up, I guess it was a good thing considering I wouldn't have made it two steps out the door without collapsing and falling asleep on the tile.

I remember nuzzling my face into his neck and smelling his cologne. I remember all the stares we got from the many co-workers of G-major. I remember holding onto him like he was god and never wanting him to put me down. I remember most of the things that happened...

"Tommy, I love you" I said, right before I passed out and my head hit his shoulder.

Crap. Now that I wish I didn't remember.


	6. School Daze

**Author's Note**

**Well, I'm back! lol And with another chapter! I actually wrote three while on my trip. I've only got around to typing up this one though. I'll have to work on the rest later. I have a 885 word book report to type up tonight. Good luck to me?...**

**This chapter, I must confess, might not be THAT interesting, but it's leading up to way more. Promise. **

**Before I end this, I have to say...Jude and Spiederman! Didn't see that one coming! lol (I actually did) There adorable. I'm still leaning towards Jude/Tommy but until then, it'll be fun to see Tommy squirm while watching her with Speed. I'm a little sad though that there won't be any new episode till April 7. It's worth the wait though if we get to see TWO new episodes! Counting down the days...**

**Ok, I'm done. You can read the chapter now.**

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Remind me to never take any type of drug ever again. It results in very, very, very bad stuff coming out of _my_ mouth. I'm disgusted with myself right now. No idea why! Actually, that was lie. I know why I'm disgusted with myself. It's because I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot who can't keep her mouth shut. That's why I stayed in my room for the rest of the weekend and hid from the world. Not even a pint of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream and a good comedy could cure the humiliation and misery. And that's really saying something. 

I guess my mom took pity on me and sent in reinforcements. But why did she have to send Jaime? I love him to pieces and Kat to but to much Jamers time is just to much. All day Sunday and all day Monday at school.

"Feeling up to a little play practice after school?" he asked me as we made our way down the hall Tuesday morning.

Funny story. Jaime tried out for the school play...and actually got a part! I know, I'm floored to. It's almost as entertaining watching his play practices as it is thinking about Tom and him squeeling through G-major, suspecting I'm crazy. He was so excited when he got a part and ever since then I've gone to every single practice. Every one. Sitting there for hours watching poorly written scripts being portrayed by actors that are poorly lacking in the skills department.

"Ah, one of your little secrets" I mocked.

He stopped in the hall and put on what he calls his "Gladitor" face. "Me? Secrets? Never!" he over exaggerated.

I admit, he is crazy (like me) but he does have the uncanny ability to make me laugh at the worst of times. I guess that's why we fit together. But never romantically! We tried that last year and it was so wrong. In more than one way. It's so remarkable how he thinks he doesn't have any secrets. That's why I took it upon myself to state the obvious.

"Jaime, you peed the bed till you were nine" I laughed.

Here comes the serious face. "I had an over-active bladder Jude. Fifty percent of the Earth's population has one!" he exclaimed sternly. Like he was expecting me_ not_ to laugh?

"So that means the other fifty percent pee in a toilet like us normal people?" I asked.

There are so many more secrets about Jaime Andrews that I could spill right here in the hallway. For starters, he still sleeps with his stuffed elephant, Toby, he has a secret Shakira shrine, he sucked his thumb for about four years, and another good one is that he loves dancing. Like tap/jazz dancing.

"I guess..." he replied uncomforably.

"Good..." I said, "Because I pee in a toilet."

We took off down that hall. I probably shouldn't have said that because I'm now running to avoid getting attacked by Jaime and will probably fall on my face, be late to class, or get caught and have to face the "Wrath of Jaime!"

I hate running. Theres another little known fact about me. And you'll hear many more later. From about the fifth grade to now is when I started slacking in the athletic area. I'm surprised I'm still fit with all the junk I eat and the exercise I don't get. Blame it on fast metabolism.

It shouldn't be any surprise that I ran into something so hard I fell to the ground and made the classic "Oof!" noise. Havn't I had enough embaressment? Don't look up. Don't look up. That's one solution...

"You okay?" the person asked, offering a hand.

Great! It's a person I ran into! Even better.

"Yeah, thanks" I said. I grabbed the hand and pulled myself up.

I've never realized how gross and dirty our school floors are. I was covered in dust, stuff off of peoples shoes, and other unmentionables. It's incredible how bad our school sytems janitorial staff is. I mean if they can't manage to keep the school hallways, classrooms, and bathrooms sanitary then just imagine how they keep there homes. I probably shouldn't be dissing them because my own dad was a custodian back in the day. Of course, I was to young to remember. Thank god.

"Pretty hard fall?" the person questioned.

I was furiously wiping the gunk off my clothes and probably looked like a sanitation freak but I really don't care. I finally looked up.

Ok, I not only ran into someone, but a really hot really cute someone. My luck is starting to get better. Unless he has a girlfriend or is gay. Please don't let any of those be a possibility! I should answer him. I decided to take in his appearance instead.

He was tall, obviously. He had brown semi shaggy beach type guy hair, green eyes (even though I avoided eye contact), and was fairly tan. Another plus, he was very...buff. Yeah, that's the word. A girl could fall in love.

His clothes were normal. Jeans and a shirt. Pretty casual, right?

"Hello?" he waved a hand in front of my face.

Snapping out of my trance about now.

"Um...uh...yeah. It was pretty hard" I replied after a delayed pause.

That sounded really wrong. Not that I'm a sick minded person or anything. But doesn't "Yeah, it was pretty hard" sound a bit...I don't know the word! It was just very awkward.

"I'm Dylan" he said.

"I'm Jude" I said.

He smiled. A very cute smile. "See ya around, Jude" he replied then walked off.

I just noticed that I'm the only one in the hallway. Crap! I'm late! Late people get detention. That's the last thing I need right now.

Detention in my school is torture. People get mugged in the detention room. It's like this wierd oblivion of strange people where you're imprisoned for three hours. You can't even go to the bathroom! Jaime better not get detention then huh. Poor Jaime.

This time I'm not going to run. Hell, I'm not even going to speed walk! Nice-n-Easy is how I'm planning on living out my life from now on.

I made it to about four feet from the door when my cell rang. Everyone knows it's Tuesday! Everyone who knows me knows that I'm at school on Tuesdays. I'm at school five out of the seven days of the week. Which when put in theory, school takes up most of my young life. What's the world coming to? But then theres the holidays we get off and spring break so if you count all that in there then, wait! Maybe I should answer my phone.

I got it up to my ear and realized that I should have checked the caller i.d. Theres some people I don't want to talk to right now. Or explain anything to if you know what I mean.

So, I remained silent. Standing in the empty hallway, with my phone up to my ear, not talking into it. And wouldn't ya know, it turned out to be the last person I wanted to talk to at the moment and the first on my list of "People To Avoid".

"Jude, I know you're there. Talk..." Tommy said.


	7. Phones, Men, and Little White Lies

**Wow! I havn't updated in forever! I'm really sorry! Theres so much that's been going on in my life lately. Plus all these EOI tests coming up. I apologize for the delayed chapter. I hope you like it though...**

**-Kaley**

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Ahhh...man...it's him. I don't want to talk to _him. _I don't want to talk, look, touch, kiss, or ever be anywhere near him again! I don't even want to sit in his stupid car one last time. If I could, I would just run. Run away. But, as we've already established, I hate running. Plus I have a touch of Asthma. So that's not a real good plan. Suppose I go into the witness protection program. I could even pick my new name! How about Natalie? Or Rose? Or Jane! Nah. 

Maybe I should just talk into the phone like regular people do when someone calls. But what if he yells at me? Oh! If he does, he can be sure that the last thing he'll ever be seeing is my fist meeting his face! Sorry, had to get some of that anger out. What if he rejects me?...I'd be more hurt than mad. In the back of my mind though, I keep telling myself, "Of course he's gonna reject you! He could do so much better! Plus, you're 17..." Ok, Jude, banish these thoughts. I should go on a fast. A fast to "replenish" the soul. Ha! Like I could live without more than 1,000 calories a day. Pshh...

Shutup and say something, idiot!

"Hey...Tom..." I said into the reciever as cooly and collected as possible.

I hope we don't end up fighting. We always fight. Actually, if we were in a relationship, it'd probably end by the third day. On account of I can't stand to get yelled at and not say something back, and he can't resist to yell.

"Finally talking to me?" he asked. I could tell he was resisting a smile. Isn't it funny how I can read people without even having to be looking right at them? Look, I'll do it again. Right now, Sadie is...standing on a street corner, pouting her lips, and hoping to catch the eye of some lucky guy. Amazing!

"Yeah, sorry about that. I dropped my phone" I played the lie off as best I could. You think he bought it?

"Right...Jude, what did you mean yesterday when you told me you loved me? Or are you just gonna lie again and say you don't remember?" he sounded very persistant.

I guess that's a no. I'm the most gullable person in the world and he wouldn't even believe me if I told him his pants were on fire. Or his car was rolling off a cliff. I always fall for the lamest things. Like last week. Some kid told me gullable was written on the cieling...I looked up. Then he told me it was written on my shoe. I spent** five** minutes examining my flippen shoe!

Gullable people, I mean _really _gullable people (like me), have the hardest time out in the real world. You could get hurt, used, and abused. Certain people think, "Hey! There stupid enough! Let's tell 'em they have to pay me ten dollars just to ride the escalator". It's really very sad. I'm not pitying myself here either. I just think it's sad when innocent people get sucked into crap like that.

I did the one thing I was best at when I was hurting inside. I laughed. "Of course I love you! You're like a big brother I never had. You're my mentor...my friend" the words echoed.

Don't ask why I just did that, and don't assume it's because I'm scared. I'm not scared! I just don't think I'm ready for him to know my true feelings. Every girl has to keep some secrets, well, secret. I'll just hold onto mine a little bit longer.

He's not supposed to be laughing. "What's so funny?" I asked.

He's laughing to hide his pain. Let's stick with that scenario.

"I guess, I guess I'm just relieved. I thought we were going to have to go through the whole 'Why can't we be more than friends?' issue again. I'm glad I'm considered a friend, Jude" he sighed.

Whoa! Hold up, put your hands in the air! He's happy? He's not supposed to be happy with what I told him. It was a lie! He doesn't know that though...either way, he's supposed to be miserable! Like me.

This is (excuse the language) **shit! **A little recap...he kisses me, gets fierce, occasionally irritating, jealousy when I'm with another guy, shows me affection and looks at me with those beautiful eyes, then agrees with me when I basically say I _don't_ love him. Oh god! That must mean he doesn't love me. How come he always does the little things that drive me crazy! He knows they do to. Like playing with my hair, giving me shoulder massages after long hours in the studio, and leading me on. I'm so stupid. He does all of it just to prove to himself that he has a hold on me. It makes sense...

This odd, thrilling rush of anger invaded my body. I was boiling. "Well, I'm glad you're ok with it!" I exclaimed. I decided I should probably go outside and talk. I knew I could explode and it wasn't the best idea to stand in the school hallways and yell. I'm ditching, sew me.

His laughter died down after about two or three minutes...maybe more. "Yeah..." he replied slowly. "So, how about tonight we work on that song?" he asked as if nothing had happened.

It might not be important to him but it's important to me! I hate men. I withdraw saying I was the stupid one. He's, without a doubt, completely clueless!

I never think before I speak. You all should know that by now. "I can't, I...I have a date" I said quickly.

What the hell was I thinking? I havn't had a date in the last two months. Unless you count my cousin, Matt. But that was considered more of a favor. It wasn't his fault he couldn't get a date for prom. Poor guy. It was actually alot of fun.

"A date? We have work to do in the studio, you know that! Why didn't you plan it for this weekend or something? Who's the guy?" he questioned.

Uh...can you say, "Slow down with the questions, Bud". I think I hit a nerve. Suprise, suprise coming from someone who claims theres nothing between us and doesn't want there to be.

Panic mode has been reactivated.

What guy was I supposed to tell him? Jaime? He wouldn't believe it. Speed? One word: spaz. Wally? Has a girlfriend. Kyle? He's my buddy! I can't go out with my buddy. Running out of people here...

"His name's...Dylan. You wouldn't know him" Yes! He can't be suspicious about that now can he.

One problem. I don't think Dylan would go out with me considering I practically collided with him earlier in the halls. I don't even have his number. I don't even know his last name. Maybe Jaime has a class with him...I hope. Even if he agreed to it, it would be very awkward. I'll just have to deal with all that later.

"Jude-" he started.

"Ok, gotta go. Bye!" I said like at ultra speed then snapped my phone shut. I leaned against the cold brick of the school building and looked at my watch. One hour and eleven minutes 'til he'd be picking me up. Seeing as my mom won't let me buy my own car yet! I'll vent about that another time.

Until then, I had to somehow find Jaime, get a hold of Dylan, attempt to get him to go on date wih me this evening, and in between all that get a shower. I can't be to upset though. I did get myself into this mess on my own.

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**Reviews are appreciated:-)**


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